My one true desire in this lifetime is to be myself unapologetically.
What does that mean? It means to…
- SAY everything I want said and be heard.
- DO everything and anything I want to do, without any type of second guessing and self-doubt (fear).
- BE who I am without allowing sabotaging beliefs to hinder my ability to show up as myself, in any and all ways that may look like.
- FEEL f*%&$^ing good about my decisions and beliefs while in action
Easier typed up than done, huh? No kidding.
I can say that my experience with confidence and encouragement is immeasurable when it comes to others. When a friend of mine is sharing something they want to pursue and end it with “but who knows”; I ALWAYS make sure to let them know they’ve been heard, seen and have someone (me) believing in them.
Why?
Because why tf not.
What do I lose from emotionally and mentally supporting a human in their life with what they desire and think about? This thinking comes so easily and naturally by me for others. But when it came to me? I seriously would think I’m ‘reaching too far’ or wanting ‘too much’ for myself. Sounds absolutely insane and hypocritical AF, right? Like why be a certain way with others and the opposite way with myself?
Those unfair thoughts have no power over me anymore. I know my capabilities and worth and am now going to spend the rest of my life acting accordingly.
That’s not to say I’m done encouraging others to do/be/want more for themselves. It’s more so that I’m going to feed myself that same energy first rather than last.
I’m an amazing cheerleader for anyone needing one. And I’m a damn good one, if I do say so myself. A damn good one. The best one, really.
So why would I not want that for myself?
Obviously this came from a strong desire of mine to stop being my own worst enemy and to start being my own #1 fan.
If I can be brutally honest…
I think fear had me in a chokehold all these years.
- Fear of humiliation.
- Fear of failure.
- Fear of being talked about by others.
- Fear of people having access to me.
- Fear of disappointment.
So how am I magically not fearful all of sudden?
It was just a choice. A mental choice. Legit, I said to myself “I don’t want to be scared anymore, I don’t want to care about everyone but myself”. And I meant it.
That easy? Yeah… Actually, it was.
After coming face to face with every worse-case scenario of everything that occupied my mind space for no other reason other than pure masochism, I realized they were all surface level thoughts and weren’t worth creating more in depth details of awful things. The word ‘pathetic’ presented itself out of the experience and it was exhausting. But, I had gotten over the fears because I saw thme for what they were: not real. They didn’t actually exist outside of my head. And if they were to, how TF would I know? I wouldn’t. So again, why GAF? You get it? Re-read it again because it’s truly as simple yet profound as I just said it.
Letting those intrusive thoughts come as fast yet LEAVE just as fast or faster made way for something new and incredible…
My mind wouldn’t stop thinking of all the positive what if’s. I was obsessed. Absolutely obsessed… with all the wonderful, addicting GOOD outcomes that just kept flowing in my brain space.
I was so confused? After seeing all the BAD ‘what if’s’ through, they disappeared. My imagination had no more bad things to come up with. So guess what it started doing instead? My imagination started creating amazing scenarios and outcomes. They wouldn’t stop and it started to become fun and too easy.
Once you taste a mixture of hope, optimism and opportunity in such an EFFORTLESS way… You won’t want to go back to negative thinking. Ever. Again.
You wouldn’t want to continue wasting your time wallowing, hiding or depressed standing in your own way when you could be enjoying your life and taking it day by day, moment by moment, staying present and having this belief that life can be beautiful and easy.
So, that’s what changed for me. My imagination focused on the good and exciting instead of the bad and discouraging.
Here are a few affirmations that are so natural for me to say and actually believe:
- I refuse to hinder my growth any longer.
- I want to show up as me for myself and my legacy.
- I believe access is a privilege. I do not deny anyone access to someone amazing as myself, that would not be fair.
- I allow myself to be seen, in every way that I am.
- When my time on Earth comes to an end, I will not have anything to regret.
- I choose to grow in every and any way destined of me to.
With all that being said, I’d like to encourage you to want the same liberation and if you want a space to to claim ALL that it is you want and are, you are more than welcome to comment under this post so it becomes real for you. Affirm all that you want to, this website is mine and safe for anyone to be themselves and be witnessed so there’s more magic and intention with my FULL support.
I love you!!!!!
Unapologetically,
AMBERLINDSAYMAR
BTW- Following my own advice, I’d like to announce that to supplement my personal blog I have chosen to show up more interpersonally through Youtube.
Of course, my words will continue to be found throughout cyberspace throughout the years of search engines and what not, but now I want my face, voice and energy to be experienced through video. I think the world is ready to witness me and all that I’ve become.
