Today I turn 25 years young! Happy birthday to me!
I am a quarter of a century in this lifetime of mine. It’s absolutely insane.
So the reason I say “surprisingly not crying” is because for some odd reason, every birthday I have just bawled my eyes out. I get chocked TF up. Why? I really can’t pin point it. Maybe in a way it was my symbolically shedding my old self and releasing all the emotions I went through that year to start anew and fresh Day 1 of *insert new age here*.
Since I could remember the second I’d hear the “Happy Birthday” song I would instantly flood my eyes with tears and be unable to swallow because of how much attention was being sent my way. I’m trying my best to explain it but I really can’t. It has always just been a thing. It’s even more so a thing now that I’m a f***ing mom and singing happy birthday to my precious song has me hella emotional because I can’t believe he’s x years old. There’s a lot of feelings there that I’ll share come his birthday.
I sometimes think I cry because I’m incapable of accepting the same pure, loving energy I give unto others everyday for myself. Is that weird? Is there a name for that? Help me out if there is because I don’t know.
I was never scared of being seen… Until I was and then I’m now slowly but surely getting back to that part of me that was put away through my teenage years due to puberty. I sincerely wanna get back that version of me who LOVED being on stage and just going for whatever it was I wanted to do because I knew others would have to see me front and center! It was exhilarating and I’m getting it back.
Last December 17th, I was in Colorado Springs with my cute lil’ fam bam and also my lovely mother who came to spend the week with us. It was honestly the most down-to-earth birthday to date that I’ve spent with all the loves of my life. It was wholesome AF. I had my moments of bliss and over-whelming joy that made my eyes a bit wet… Luckily, didn’t weep though. I was too in the moment all that time. Staying present really made me grateful AF and so in love with my life. I received a DLSR camera as my birthday gift which was a gift my late father had given to my mother… Again, my whole 24th birthday was honestly just a vibe. It was all too easy and I’m so happy I experienced that birthday the way that I did.
Here I am now, 25 years in in my lifetime and I’m blogging on my laptop in my cute little apartment in SOUTH KOREA and I’m just in awe.
I’m in awe that this is my life right now.
I’m actually having an epiphany now that not only was it my birthday ritual to cry but that I can change that up and transmute that practice of release into something that reflects me and translates my feelings better so that I may come back to it and share it with others. (This sentence will make sense later on)
I haven’t needed to release anything because I’m in the midst of creation and am only receiving from the Universe at the moment, not shedding.
Basically saying that I’m expecting!!!!!!!
Surprise! Hehehe.
I am currently 23 weeks and I am feeling all the things you’d expect from entering your third trimester of pregnancy.
This pregnancy couldn’t have come at a more divine time and Just as I was 21 being pregnant with my sun, I’m now 25 carrying my moon.
To announce my 2nd pregnancy via blog is sooooo cool for me to even grasp! I thank everyone who has wished me a happy birthday via Instagram and Facebook!
Here’s to the 25 Club 😉
xxxxoxooxoxoxoox,
AMBER LINDSAY MAR
