Since separating from my husband, I made one thing very clear to him:
our divorce is just that—our divorce.
Not his parents’. Not my parents’. Not anyone else’s.
Which means we actually get to do things differently. We get to learn from our parents’ mistakes instead of repeating them on autopilot.
While we’re waiting for the divorce to finalize, I didn’t want this past holiday season to suck—at least not for my children. After everything they’ve gone through in the last six months—moving countries, changing schools, and starting an entirely new life without the physical presence of the only other adult they’ve ever known—it just made sense for them to spend Christmas with their father.
I’m a modern hippie. I truly do not care about holidays the way most people do. To me, they’re often just another reason to feel guilted into spending unnecessary money on things for other people instead of yourself… LOL.
But because of that, I wanted my children to experience their God-given American right and have Christmas and New Year’s the way we do in the States.
So I let them go.
Two weeks.
Fourteen exact days without my children.
And it was needed.
I feel for both sides. Truly.
They came home today, and I am so happy. Like ridiculously happy. Hearing their screams. Their cries. Cleaning up throw up. No—seriously. I cleaned my daughter’s throw up within an hour. No moaning, no groaning, no dramatic sighs.
Just pure joy.
I missed it.
I missed them.
I wanted to share a message a very dear friend sent me—one that completely shifted my perspective and made me pause, breathe, and really sit with the truth of what co-parenting actually looks like.
What did you get the babies for Christmas?
-Text from Lee Stewart
It’s a trick question.
You got the babies their father for Christmas.
It’s a very kind and loving gift to give to them.
It’s a a gift that won’t return the same to you.
And that’s important for Amber to look at Amber.
And say. “Yes. I gave up my Christmas. So the babies could have the Christmas they did.” ❤️
And tonight you get to clean up the mess that happens every Christmas morning. YOU get to clean up the “wrapping paper”from the babies gifts.
What “wrapping paper”?
That’ll be later tonight.
Austin will miss his dad.
Aurora will be a little confused.
And both of them will be out of routine.
The routine that You have built for them these last few months.
The routine their dad gave them for Christmas.
That’s what you get to do later tonight.
Seems unfair.
Seems like bullshit.
It is.
You will get your Christmas present tomorrow.
Tomorrow when you get up.
The babies will be there with you.
(Still out of routine but on their way to getting back in the groove.)
That’s your Christmas present. The babies.
You’re a wonderful, special, beautiful, loving, confused, confident 27 year old young woman with an entire life ahead of her.
And you’re also a really really good mother. You are.
This is what healthy co-parenting after divorce actually looks like.
Not perfection.
Not fairness.
Not keeping score.
It’s choosing your children—even when it costs you something.
And I want to be good at that.
xxxooo,
AMBER LINDSAY M
