Throughout my six-year marriage, I was miserable.
Not because of him—he was a good man—but because of me. I didn’t trust my luck, my outcome, or my life. Instead, I lived in a constant state of anger. I stayed ungrateful, convinced I had somehow ended up with the worst version of life, even when that wasn’t true at all.
Looking back, I see how dangerous that mindset was.
It’s incredibly harmful to be an unhealed, hurting person who believes a good partner can soften your pain or make life better simply by loving you. No one is responsible for taking away your wounds. No one exists to distract you from your inner work by giving you everything you think you want. Expecting that from another human being is unfair—and honestly, cruel.
Marriage Didn’t Fulfill Me
Marriage wasn’t for me because it didn’t fulfill anything that needed filling.
I carried unresolved hurt into a union that required emotional maturity, gratitude, and presence. Instead of letting go of past pain, I allowed it to shape how I showed up. And pain, when left untreated, never creates a strong foundation for love.
Now, after separating and moving toward divorce, I understand something clearly: it’s careless—and deeply wrong—to assume marriage will carry your unhealed ways of thinking all the way to the grave.
For nine years, I had a companion. And yet, I failed to thank him or give him the credit he genuinely deserved.
That is my truth.
No Regret, Only Responsibility
However, don’t mistake my honesty for regret—because I don’t regret it.
I can’t. If I did, I wouldn’t understand the work I needed to do for myself. Instead, I choose accountability without self-destruction. I choose reflection without self-punishment.
More importantly, I feel genuine gratitude that my ex-partner now has the rest of his life to find and secure what real love looks and feels like. I truly mean that.❤️
Choosing Solitude Without Shame
I’m an only child—and if I’m being honest, I’ve always preferred being alone.
I value my space. I protect my time. I’m careful with my energy. Sharing those things has always felt like a sacrifice rather than a joy, and over time, that resentment quietly grew. Until it wasn’t so quiet anymore..
Marriage simply isn’t for me.
And I’m grateful I discovered that at 27, rather than at 40 or 50, when the cost of ignoring yourself becomes much higher.
I’m Sharing This Now
So why share something so personal?
Because it’s my truth—and I needed to let it out.
My beliefs, choices, and understanding of life have evolved through experience, not theory. I now know that I married too young.
I chose safety over curiosity.
Stability over self-discovery.
Certainty over being starry-eyed.
This chapter taught me what I don’t want—and more importantly, what I need to heal before choosing anyone again.
And that clarity?
That makes everything worth it.
kishy kishy,
AMBER LINDSAY MORAN
