For the first time in a long time, I’m taking myself out on dates.
Not because I’m lonely.
Not because I’m “trying to move on.”
But because I finally have the time, space, and emotional capacity to ask myself one simple question:
What do I want to do today?
And then actually do it—without guilt.
Learning How to Be Alone (Even Though I Always Was)
Here’s the part that’s hard to explain unless you’ve lived it:
I was married… but I was alone most of the time.
My marriage revolved around someone else’s schedule, someone else’s commitments, someone else’s priorities. His work came first—often at the cost of connection, presence, and shared experiences. I learned how to wait (not really because it made me sad and mad). How to adjust (I had no choice and it was hidden under ‘resiliency’). How to be flexible (Again, no choice in the matter). How to not ask for too much (I would and that would cause tension and upheaval).
So yes, I was “alone” back then.
But this kind of aloneness?
This one feels different.
This one feels chosen.
Which I’m grateful for.
Dating Myself and Finally Listening to What I Want
Now that I’m single, something unexpected has happened.
I don’t have to run my ideas by anyone.
I don’t have to compromise my plans.
I don’t have to shrink a desire because it’s inconvenient for someone else.
If I want coffee at noon instead of 7 a.m.—I go.
If I want to wander a bookstore for an hour—I stay.
If I want to sit alone with my thoughts and music and a glass of something warm—I let myself.
These solo dates have become a form of self-trust.
Every time I follow through on my own plans, I’m quietly telling myself:
You matter. Your desires matter. Your time matters.
Choosing Myself Without Guilt
This might be the biggest shift of all.
I’m choosing myself without guilt.
No apologizing.
No over-explaining.
No internal dialogue about how my choices affect someone else’s mood, schedule, or expectations.
I get to choose where I go.
I get to choose how long I stay.
I get to choose what nourishes me.
And for the first time, I’m realizing how much of my life used to be shaped around someone else’s needs—while mine sat patiently on the back burner.
I Never Knew I Needed This Kind of Aloneness
I didn’t know I needed to be alone like this.
Not the lonely kind.
Not the abandoned kind.
But the intentional, self-led, deeply grounding kind.
The kind where you rediscover your preferences.
The kind where silence becomes peaceful instead of heavy.
The kind where you remember who you were before you learned how to accommodate everyone else.
This season isn’t about isolation—it’s about reconnection.
With myself.
With my intuition.
With the version of me that gets to choose freely.
Why Taking Yourself on Dates Is a Form of Healing
If you’re newly single, freshly divorced, or simply exhausted from always putting others first—this is your reminder:
Taking yourself on dates isn’t selfish.
It’s not sad.
It’s not a placeholder for “real” companionship.
It’s practice.
Practice in listening to yourself.
Practice in honoring your wants.
Practice in building a life that feels good from the inside out.
And honestly?
I don’t think I’ll ever stop dating myself—even when someone new eventually comes along.
Because now I know what it feels like to choose me.
xoxoxoxoxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx,
AMBER LINDSAY M
